A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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