just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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