Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
