I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
