I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my sisters under your porch take her home
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
