The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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