I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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