We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
