I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
