I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
