Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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