i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
