woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize