I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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