She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
