remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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