Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
