Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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