he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
