she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
