fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
