Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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