she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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