Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
third nipple confirmed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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