i think my tv is drunk
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
