there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
