I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
