My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
