Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
