We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
