Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
