Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
