the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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