Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
