this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
