I'm gonna have a badass scar
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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