i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
