I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
