I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize