yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
