I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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