dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
