....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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