Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
