I'm eating all of the evidence.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
