He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
