We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
