I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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