:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
