omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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