How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
