Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize