i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
