As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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