If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
