I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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