I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
