Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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