Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
