im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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