he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize