Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
