OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
